Scourge and Transparency

The Rise and Fall of Advanced Social Journalism during the Early Twenty-First Century

How to take the bus

with one comment

God in heaven forbid if you are one of the unfortunates who’s conscripted to take public transpiration as your primary form of commuting.  Only bastardized peoples and vagabonds (whatever the fuck they are) ride buses regularly and our mothers always told us to cross the street when we see and never talk to the type of peoples that sit at bus stops. This is all, of course, a side point because you all know this and I’ve explained North America’s caste system wherein public transportation regulars are somewhere between those that work at Tim Horton’s and people who shop at garage sales. My point in this blog is to criticize bus edict (if there is a such a thing) and to point out the obviously abnormalities that exist while riding/waiting with fellow commuters.

Now, believe it or not, but people of all pedigree actually use public transportation in large urban areas. The buses come quite frequently and it so incredibly difficult/expensive to drive your personal vehicle that many people from different economic classes use the public funded car pool. Regrettably, some people don’t understand the rules when it comes to taking the bus. And those who decide to fuck shit up are often normal people, like you or I, and not always (although sometimes) the inferiors mentioned above. An example of this despicable behaviour would be when you’re on a virtually empty section of the bus, or even in area where there are just noticeably isolated and empty seats near by, and some stooge gets on the bus and sits right the fuck next to you. When this happens to me (and I can see it in the eyes of other people when it happens to them) I just want to turn to that person and say “what the fuck the are you doing?” Immediately I think ‘rapist/molester’ (what’s the difference anyway?) when someone pulls this prick job. However, a lot of the time the jerk that chose to snug up to a stranger doesn’t fit the pedophile profile. This description is usually large-rimmed glasses, a bad haircut with a substitute teacher-type outfit on – kind of like what Bill Gates looks like if he wasn’t rich. Take one of the fucking free seats buddy! I mean, I’m not even an attractive man and weird ladies and men sit right next to me when there are other seats. I can imagine how uncomfortable poor young blonde hotties feel when they have to ride the bus and encounter one of these weird and rude people. Do these people think this a rule; that we all have to sit next to each other to make it easier for more people to get on the bus? Do they want to have a conversation? No one talks to strangers face-to-face. Fuck, who wants to talk to someone they even know these days? This is two thousand and nine! I don’t get it. It’s a fucking bus – nobody wants to be there because we have to be around other people. It makes it even more torturous to be rubbing up against someone every time the bus hits a bump.

Another thing that boggles my mind is when people RUN to catch the bus. They must know how ridiculous they look chasing after a moving bus while trying to hold on to their bags and pulling out their bus pass. Even if they catch the bus, they’re all sweaty and ready to pass out from running, plus they have to find their fare and while they’re struggling they’re further embarrassing themselves in front of other passengers. It is one of those moments when YOU actually feel humiliated for the person that it is happening to. If it were on TV you’d turn the channel to avoid feeling that horrible social awkward empathy.  Is it really worth running for? What if you don’t catch it? Is that the end of the world? Do your children die if you’re ten minutes late getting to where you need to go? I could see maybe if it was for a job interview or something important but running and letting everyone see you run which causes you to work up a sweat, lose your breath and even possibly trip and fall all while wearing clothing not fit for rugged conditions just so you get back to your house 10 to 15 minutes earlier. Pick up a newspaper and wait for the next one, it’s not worth it! It is like when people run for the elevator. Elevators take even less time; we’re talking seconds sometimes. Anyone who has ever ran for an elevator please stop doing it. You know everyone in that elevator is cheering and praying for you to not make it. You’re unwanted; wait for the next one. And as for those lazy jack-offs that take the elevator just to go up one or two floors – these people should be tied up and gagged then left on the roof by people that are waiting to go up ten flights or more. The bottom line is running isn’t worth it in less you’re deliberately exercising or there is a significant amount of money on the line.

This reminds me of a funny story. I was on a bus very early one morning. And you know anyone that is on a bus before or around dawn is on the bus for an important reason (they’ve probably got to go to work or have an appointment.) And right after I had gotten on the bus and found a good isolated seat I noticed a young guy run out of some low-income housing buildings towards the stop the bus was moving away from.  Now, this dude I would compassionately assume really needs to catch this bus. It’s early so he’s not just going to the mall, he’s probably going to work and it is most likely shitty work that he needs really bad because he lives in a government subsidized apartment. Nevertheless he didn’t make the bus and some of you might feel sorry for him but if that had been a packed elevator 99 percent of you wouldn’t have wanted Jesus Christ to come off the cross and make it to the doors before they shut. The punch line of this fucking story is that the guy had the worst and most despicable piece of clothing known to Western fashion on: the head bandana. If he had not taken the 30 seconds it took him to look like a douche bag by wrapping that meaningless jailbird-looking, want-to-be gangster cloth around his white scalp he’d been able to catch the bus and make it to work on time so he could have enough money for reserve cigarettes and no name Kraft Dinner.  The moral of this story is to get to the bus on time, never run for anything because it’s embarrassing and don’t look like a douche bag because it can cause you to be late for your crappy job.


One Response

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  1. This reminds me of the time I tried to use a high school bus pass when I was clearly over the age of 21. Now that is embarrassing, the whole bus had to wait for me to find some change.
    Anyways I love the blog.

    Tomas Green

    September 24, 2009 at 2:38 pm

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