Scourge and Transparency

The Rise and Fall of Advanced Social Journalism during the Early Twenty-First Century

Put down your fucking hand and shut the fuck up

with one comment

I was actually going to write about the gays tonight but I decided against it while I was going through some coarse material for my studies. However, don’t be disappointed, I will in the near future, I promise you, be writing extensively on homosexuality and all its’ glory.

To bring attention to the theme under review I will explain to you how this topic came to mind. While filtering through some of my class-wide emails I come across a message from a young pupil of mine who seemed to not understand what was meant by having an assignment do BEFORE class began. And my answer to him is: what the fuck do you think that means? Hand in your goddamn, shitting, C-, piece of living kife in before the start of the boring fucking lecture. This Doctor IQ seemed not to be able to rap his mind around the concept of putting a piece of paper in the hands of the professor outside of the allotted time on his class schedule.

Excuse me sir you’re actually going to need to split the fucking atom or your genitals will be exposed to everyone in class – that is what is meant by handing in an assignment prior to the start of the lecture.

Why do people ask such stupid fucking questions? – “How do I hand it in?” – Shouldn’t you be more concerned with the actual content of your assignment than the obvious protocols for submission?

Another popular question concerning paper due dates is when people ask the professor “can I hand it in early?” To these people I say: “A: no, because you’ll be castrated if you hand it in early; B: get a fucking life and work on your assignment like everyone else by writing its’ entirety the night before it’s due; and C: are you an idiot?”

There seems to be many obvious questions being asked by people that are supposed to be graduating from a post-secondary school at some point in the future and will be a part of a responsible working and business class. You’d think they’d realize that there’s going to come a day in their lives when they are going to have to make a decision themselves without asking an authority figure for permission or advice on something blatantly obvious.

Another thing that gets my panties in a naught is when students ask instructors, or their peers, for information that can be easily obtained by accessing a central database that stores and delivers megatons of knowledge daily – this being the World Wide Web. I don’t how many times I’ve heard someone ask where and when something is due and/or the date and location of an exam or test. Did they think that this information was only available through word-of-mouth? The university doesn’t post exam schedules or coarse outlines you have to interrupt the lecture by inquiring the prof on such crucial particulars. This isn’t directions to a fucking party, this is information that is important and organized through the use of technology that has existed for the past two decades. “What day is the test?” It’s on this invention called “the Internet,” you’re actually supplied with what is called an “email address” by your university/college where you can exchange, post and obtain such trifling facts and figures. It’s not like the prof has memorized the exact room number of an exam that is not going to take place for another two months, or everyone in class knows the day of the week that the final assignment due date falls on. What am I going to pull out a fucking calendar in the classroom? Look it up, stupid!

This kind of paradoxically, hypocritically and ironically (as well as rather eloquently, if I may say so myself) brings me to my next case in point. Over and over again I’ve overheard random kids ask each other what the date is. “What’s the date?!” I should be asking you what millennium this is. Who the fuck doesn’t have a cellular phone, portable computer, or the sense of sight in this year of our lord, 2009? Check your fucking phone for the date! Believe it or not the technology exists for there to be a telephone-clock-calendar hybrid. And what do you need to know the date for anyway? You date your notes? If you’re writing on a laptop that shit is stored! Fucking dates? Who gives a shit?!

I am going to now conclude my exposé by taking a shit on all those flipping, annoying son’bitches that put their hands up every two and half seconds in class so they can squeeze a meaningless, ignorant and completely useless comment in for the whole god damn lecture hall to hear. These people can go fuck themselves. Remember in Full Metal Jacket when the whole platoon beats up that kid with soap because he made things worse for everyone? We need to do the same thing to kids that put up their hands too much. Seriously, they’ve got to go. I know every one of you who is in school has at least one of these bastards in each class and every one in that class hates that fucker. Let’s do it and let’s do it quick – gag these mofos. Our education is on the line, people!

After we’re done smothering these douches we’ve got to address the source of the problem. What needs to be understood is that the instructor is the leader and ultimate authority in the classroom. The teacher alone has the ability to refuse questions from hand-up regulars and/or request they’re shutting the fuck up. It takes some balls but you won’t get anywhere in life without a large set of semen producers.  If there is any training what so ever for college and university instructors (which I sincerely doubt there is) the first thing they should learn is when to tell people to be quiet. This goes for assholes that are having a box social at the back of the class, or the cocksuckers who put their hands up too much. Put those son’bitches in place, sir or madam.

Regrettably, I’ve noticed that a lot of professors actually encourage students to speak out and make comments during class. This is horseshit. Professors that are doing this are attempting to bring themselves down to the level of the common man by having a conversation with someone outside of the ivory tower they live in. As a tuition paying, fulltime student I’m not in class to hear some jackass with no diploma or degree talk about the issues under review, I want to hear the pompous dick that is marking my essays talk. There’s a reason why professors have a PhD. While they’re fully capable, and sometimes likely, to be wrong or bias in their teachings, the degree of reliability in their info is irrelevant. All I want to know is what is going to be on the test. I’ll write down that god created the heaven and earth with all its’ creatures in 10 fucking days a few thousand years ago if it’ll get me good marks on the exam.

Now, I know there are a lot of bleeding hearts out there that say students are under a lot of stress and it is a new and intimidating experience to go to university or college and people act differently or they may not be that knowledgeable of social norms and practices.  My rebuttal to that point is: when we have a consensus throughout the registered students of a class that a small minority are being an annoying douche bag, then these people have to go and we’ve got to feed them to the fucking wolves. It’s like in a zombie movie or story about a group stranded on an island or boat; if someone is going against the grain and holding everyone else significantly back we’ve got to through that mofo overboard. We must move forward. Furthermore, if it is just either you or I, you better be damn sure that it is going to be ME NOT YOU when the shit hits the fan! Put down your fucking hand, stop asking ridiculous questions, exercise some obvious courtesy for the betterment of this fellowship we call the human race.

 

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One Response

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  1. you love puffing poles

    piss off

    December 19, 2009 at 2:18 am


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