Scourge and Transparency

The Rise and Fall of Advanced Social Journalism during the Early Twenty-First Century

The Beer Commercial

with one comment

The basic characteristics of 90 percent of all beer commercials presume that everyone buying the product is socially, politically, intellectually and uniformly retarded. First off and most obvious: a lifestyle is offered that is unattainable, illogical and impossible. The advertisers also assume that women never drink alcohol, especially beer, and therefore are only represented stereotypically in contrast to the douche bag men in these commercials. Thirdly, and most importantly, the creators of these ignorant pieces corporate propaganda figure that for every three slightly-bearded, laid-back, twenty-something year-old white dudes there is one (and no more than one!) anglicized, white-bred, less important black guy.

To reinforce my most evident contention: there is in no way a connection between drinking a certain brand of beer and having intercourse with attractive women. There is, however, a connection between intense intoxication and sexual interaction of various degrees. You may find yourself penetrating a random orifice of some kind if you consume a high level of booze but that does not mean it’s anything to be proud of and/or are able/want to remember the next morning. There are no “Captain’s Moments” or “Bud Rules” to attracting the opposite sex. For god’s sake, a guy gets a girl’s # on a goddamn napkin in a current Budweiser commercial! A napkin? What year is this, 1970? You might as well not worry about the AIDS virus or stagflation if you’re going to regard this commercial as anything less than insulting to your intelligence on primal level.

Even worse than the above is the Coors Light commercials (I’m off Coors). What the fuck is the “Coors Light Mystery Mansion?” I am assuming from the conspicuous  clues I’ve seen it is a brothel with willing prepaid prostitutes sponsored by the Coors company and if it is anything less than that anyone who wins an invite would likely demand fellatio performed upon them forthwith based on the impressions given in the ads.  And Coors’s other big promotion or slogan is that it is somehow “colder” than other beers. How the fuck can it be colder? That doesn’t make sense – they’re all from the flipping fridge! It’s brewed in a colder place? Who gives a shit? Is it a superhero beer incapable of getting below a certain degree centigrade? Shut the fuck up.

Now let’s discuss the social ignorance of major brewing companies. According to most alcohol commercials women are magical little hot fairies that appear when you order a drink at bar. They’re just there for our amusement and they’re all incredibly attractive. If this were true I’d be fucking hammered right now. And of course there is the courtesy black guy. This is the house-negro that smiles when his white friend is able to cleverly impress a girl because of the confidence empowered in him by a certain brand of alcohol. Of course every three white guys has one black friend that dresses in white-people garb and gives us a thumbs up whenever we have sex and he doesn’t. I aspire for a day when companies reach the level of still-ignorant, money-driven political incorrectness when an Asian guy, a brown guy & a guy in wheelchair all appear one-to-four with middle-class adult white males in corporate advertising.

If we are to at all slow down the wholesale of this bullshit, incompetently broadcast, racist, sexist and insulting fantasy world we must simply do the opposite of what these ads want us to do. Please, stop buying their shit. If you think a commercial is stupid don’t put down your semi-hard-earned flow for that subpar product. They’re insulting your intelligence and you willingly and knowingly became a dumber person every time you consume that which you are told to consume.


One Response

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  1. Oh my gosh Shane I love this piece. Every single time I watch an effing commercial I think, do these idiot execs really think people buy into these stupid stereotypes? But the scary thing is if the consumer actually does. Like every single commercial geared at Canadians features hockey. I love hockey but it gets inslulting when not just the usual Tim Hortons but clothing and banking ads constantly make reference to it. Or the token minority!!! I could go on for days about that. Not the race card, just how fucking retarded it seems to normal people that have met a person of a different ethnicity in their lifetime and from that tiny interaction can see how off the mark these supposed marketing experts are!! But beer commercials. I gues every guy that likes to drink beer is a douchie white guy who doesn’t shave and is always trying to lie to his girlfriend to get out from under her nagging ass to drink with the boys.


    November 27, 2010 at 2:17 am

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