The workingman is a sucker

If anyone reading this “likes” his or her job in anyway you can go fuck yourself right now. Leave the room, and fuck yourself in the bum – please do us all a favour. You should especially do the above act if you’re a young person and your job is not even part of a career or field you are aspiring for. Because any job that pays within four dollars of minimum wage is complete kife. The work itself, even if it is tolerable and easy, is most-definitely monotonous, boring and at least once a day (usually in the mornings) you realize how meaningless, painful and suicidal-ily depressing your routine has become. Not to mention the caliber of people you work with. It is a fact that there is at least one douche bag manager at every part-time/summer job. And, of course, many of us suffer from Dwight Schrute syndrome; wherein the person you work with the closest is incapable of logical thought. It also goes without saying that you know your job is shit and you need a change when even the people you like at work begin to annoy you more than a lavish Broadway musical. The truth is work sucks, no matter how you look at it. You HAVE TO be there so it’s shit. It’s like paid slavery – badly paid slavery.

I’ll begin by pooping on management. Why is that in so many different occupations (from food services to hard labour) incompetency, low-intelligence, bad people skills and general laziness is rewarded with higher pay and greater responsibility? I have literally witnessed on more than a few occasions people being promoted who show little capabilities of authority other than being a huge dick/cunt.  It is as if there is a question on that little silly questionnaire sheet they fill out for inside company hiring that says “how would you rate your dick/cuntishness towards people you work with on scale of one to ten?” And those that prove to rate the highest get chosen for the position. I’ve seen time and time again douche bags get promoted only to be replaced by bigger bags of douche. Is this how capitalism and industry works in the low-income sector? Can I hope for a better system in the higher income arena, if I able to infiltrate that field someday?

And now for our fellow employees: you’ve got to love these guys (for the most part). However, because they are part of the shitiness that is work they get caught up in a shit storm that throws shit all over the shitty workplace (to paraphrase a quote from Mr. Layhey). You see, even the people you like at work can get under your nerves from time-to-time. Take break for instance. Break is the greatest part of work by far. It’s the time of the day (along with lunch) where you don’t actually do work at work. Labour, in fact, is not actually expected from you when you’re on lunch or break, which is what makes it so great. But break/lunch can get ruined easily by many of your fellow employees becoming a thorn in the side of this time of un-work. For instance when they take all good chairs in the break room and you’re stuck on the shitty bench that is even more uncomfortable when you are wearing your thin, crappy work pants. Also, on work breaks if you have anything above a bologna sandwich on white sliced bread everyone busts a lunch break nut. And the more exotic your lunch appears the more attention and bedazzlement you’ll receive from your fellow workers. Plus they want to know every possible detail of every ingredient you put in your mouth. If you went to Subway or Quiznos they’re curious to know everything you got on it and if they don’t fancy your choices they denounce your entire meal as tasteless and inedible. This excludes leftovers prepared by a guardian or parent. People always shit when they get the chance to see the different items you eat at home compared to what they have. You are really showing off when you put Alfredo on pasta with vegetables in the workplace microwave (this always takes up good break time because for some reason 90 percent of microwaves found in work break rooms operate on one tenth the level of those found in a home kitchen). Everyone waiting for their turn to warm up their shit compares meals and an unofficial winner is usually declared by the highest audibility of “ahhhhs” and “ohhhs” gotten from the other guys in line with tuber ware and paper towels in their hands. Furthermore, beware if you bring something really fancy like a steak or some kind of foreign food to work, because if one person gets a look at it I guarantee within seconds everyone will want to see it, and for weeks you’ll be known as the guy who brought curry chicken to work, then after you’ll be questioned everyday about what’s rapped up in your grocery store plastic bag in the room-temperature work fridge.

What can really ruin your break of course is if you combine the douche bag manager with lunch. It does not get much worse than when you and your favourite work friends plan a break time mutually together, you all anticipate it, you yearn for it, you discuss it, you all look forward to that 15 minutes when you can really get into the details of your drunken escapades the night before, but that dick head manager or weirdo no-one likes takes his/her break at the same fucking time as you guys. What a party fucking pooper! Especially when they take the good chair and don’t stop talking about their son’s lacrosse practice or their kitchen being re-tiled.

While, I’ve said a lot of about this unavoidable aspect of life. We have to do it, even if it makes us want turn our car into incoming traffic at 7:30 every morning. The only thing worse than the drive to work is that god-forsaken alarm at 7am, especially when you had one of those sleeps where it felt like you were sleeping for 10 minutes even though you were in bed for over 8 hours. And then there is the excitement of work: where microwaved hamburgers are the high point of the day.  Some of you son’bitchs who like your jobs may say, “Well, what else is there to do besides work? You’ve got to do something.” To them I say this: there is plenty. Sleep more – first and foremost. And don’t give me that shit about wasting your day when you sleep past noon because I don’t know what you assholes that get up early on weekends do, but we can all go on facebook and jerk-off just as much in the afternoon as we could in the morning. Seriously, are you flying a fucking kite or reading to the blind when you get up that early? What’s so meaningful about the day that you have to see it earlier?! Anyways I digress… you get my point. Shit, you’ll definitely get it in about 10 hours when the alarm goes off and you realize you’re out of bread and milk and can’t even have a meager breakfast before you go to take part in the worthless and meaningless existence that occupies 75 per cent of your daily life.